How to control anger and irritation in a relationship

Anger Management -

how to control anger and irritation in a relationship

The majority of anger and frustration in life, no matter what the Learn how to manage situations when other people won't play by your rules. Uncontrolled anger can take a toll on both your health and your relationships. feel better prepared to handle what's ahead without getting irritated or angry. But anger is a natural part of life and is therefore inevitable, especially faces is how to deal with anger—both their anger toward their partner and If you verbalize your frustration in a harsh tone or express your wants as.

Trying to coerce or threaten them into a quick reconciliation is likely to backfire and cause them to cutoff even more. Focus on Managing Yourself And Not Your Partner When someone we love is angry with us, often we feel compelled to appease and soothe them as quickly as possible.

The 7 Best Tips for Handling Anger and Resentment in Relationships

Being calm is much more effective than trying to calm someone else, and people who can stay focused on managing their own anxiety and reactions give the other person the space to do the same. Article continues below Concerned about stress and anxiety? Take one of our 2-minute mental health quizzes to see if you may benefit from further diagnosis and treatment. Immaturity begets immaturity so often in relationships. Or you could learn to control your emotions and instead project them in more constructive and appropriate ways.

Go back to the signs and symptoms of anger and recognize how they are beginning to manifest in your life.

Anger Management

The earlier you are able to identify these changes, the more likely you are to ward off these feelings and choose a different and more appropriate response. What specifically within your environment, or within yourself stirred your emotions the wrong way?

Finally, acknowledge that you have a weakness. There are certain limitations within your personality that are causing you to feel and respond in a certain way. Acknowledging these habits and tendencies will allow you to begin the process of change. Remove yourself physically by walking away and taking some time to clear your head.

Keep Yourself Calm and Collected Your next step is to calm yourself down emotionally.

How to Control Your Anger and Instantly Calm Your Mind

You can successfully calm yourself down by listening to relaxing music, by using affirmations, by counting backward from 10, by breathing deeply, by visualizing a calming scene within your imagination, etc. There are plenty of ways to calm down.

Through trial and error, you will determine what works best in your situation. Once you are calm and centered, remind yourself about your goals in this particular situation: What were you hoping to gain?

Also, have a think about your most important values.

how to control anger and irritation in a relationship

These are the things that you are working toward. And these are the things that you might purposefully sabotage if you lose your cool. Also remind yourself about the importance of staying calm under pressure, about the importance of maintaining good social relations with others, and about finding the strength within yourself to respond appropriately and intelligently.

What am I hoping to gain from the situation? What goals am I hoping to achieve? What values do I hold close to my heart? Why is it important for me to maintain a cool and level head? These questions will lay down the foundations for the next stage in this process.

Evaluate the Situation Now comes time to knuckle down and evaluate the situation and evaluate your internal environment your mindset.

Have a think about your personal standards and the expectations you are bringing into this situation. Maybe one or more of your standards have not been met? Maybe your expectations are unrealistic? Or just maybe one of your rules has been broken? The purpose of this evaluation is to train yourself to proactively respond to events, people, and circumstances in an effective and rational manner. You are no longer going to allow your emotions to get the best of you. Instead, you will look at the situation from a variety of angles and perspectives, and then pick the most appropriate and helpful response moving forward.

how to control anger and irritation in a relationship

Consider that you might not be seeing the full picture, and accept the fact that you might actually be wrong and could very well have made a mistake.

Be open to the possibilities, and above all else, be truthful with your responses. Why am I feeling angry about this? Is my anger justified, appropriate and acceptable? Have I possibly misread this situation? Are things the way I make them out to be? Am I making any assumptions about things?

how to control anger and irritation in a relationship

How else could I potentially view this situation? How could I potentially deal with this without feeling angry? How could viewing things this way be helpful? What is actually good about this situation? Will this incident even matter next week, next month, next year? Answering these questions honestly will force you to consider alternate perspectives and possibilities. This will help you acknowledge that the situation might not be as clear-cut as you originally made it out to be.

And hopefully, this acknowledgment will allow you to select the most appropriate response moving forward. Choose Appropriate Response Your next task is to take everything you have worked through so far into consideration, and then select the most appropriate and helpful response moving forward.

The response you choose must have long-term payoffs and should support the greater good of all concerned. And this could very well mean that you still choose to project your anger if you feel that this is the most appropriate response in this situation. However, this will no longer be an uncontrolled form of anger. It will instead be a form of constructive anger that can help you get what you want most effectively. You can, for instance, release the anger and move on without getting emotionally wrapped up in the situation.

Or you can instead choose to avoid the situation altogether. Alternately you can choose to control your anger in a productive way to help influence the outcome of the situation. Or finally, you can choose to redirect your anger onto other things. This will help you release your pent-up emotions, but will not affect the situation in a negative way. Each of these four options can potentially help you to work through the situation successfully without creating emotional mayhem. Evaluate Your Response After things have settled down and the moment has passed, take time to evaluate how you responded to the situation and the impact that this had on you, on others, and on the events and circumstances, you were dealing with.

How did I respond? What specifically did I do? Did I manage my anger effectively? Am I satisfied with how I behaved? Was anger required in this instance? How did my response affect other people? How did my response influence the circumstances?

Without forgiveness, you will wallow in self-pity and will most likely continue making the same mistakes over and over again. Once you have forgiven yourself, open yourself up to the possibility of taking the time to learn from this experience — to gain the most value and feedback from every situation.

What can I learn from this experience? In retrospect, could I have managed things differently? How will I do things better the next time around? How must I prepare myself physically and mentally to take these important steps? Now have a think about the worst-case scenario. What if you had lost complete control over your emotions and things ended up in a very sad and depressing place?

how to control anger and irritation in a relationship

Have a think about the potential consequences of anger in this particular situation by asking yourself: What would be the consequences of losing control of my emotions in this situation? How could this have potentially hurt me? How could this have potentially hurt others? How could my anger have potentially affected other areas of my life in the short and long-term?

How would all this make me feel? It will certainly help you put the consequences of your actions into perspective. And in the end, how you choose to respond to events, people and circumstances is always your choice to make.

How to Control Anger and Frustration in a Relationship

So be sure to choose wisely. This process will undoubtedly take some effort. You will need to be patient and open the possibilities. And most importantly, you will need to be willing to make some changes and adjustments to your lifestyle — changes to the way you do things on a daily basis.

Here are some suggestions to get you started: Make Time for Yourself Making time for yourself is important because it gives you critical moments to think and reflect on your life and circumstances. When you begin the process of self-reflection you suddenly open yourself up to more possibilities and alternate perspectives. Making time for yourself might mean taking time to exercise to help release anger and frustration.

It might mean listening to some calming and relaxing music throughout the day to help you gather your thoughts. It could also mean taking time to meditate, visualize and reflect on things, on your behavior, habits and emotional responses. Likewise, a simple stroll in the park can also be quite helpful and will give you time to reflect and acknowledge the beauty all around you.

There are so many things to feel grateful for and so many things to appreciate about life. In order that love lasts one has to reinvent oneself. There was always some excuse, and meanwhile, hundreds of dollars were going to waste. How can she always seemingly forget your request? You both thought the other one had agreed to do dishes on Tuesday evenings.

how to control anger and irritation in a relationship

The above situations are representative of the mundane resentments in life that lead to overriding marital problems when not handled with effective communication. Left unchecked over time, resentment will lead to anger in relationships, which takes enormous emotional resources to undo. Better to deal with resentment than let it spiral out of control. So what is the solution to dealing with resentment against your spouse and its possible escalation to anger?

If it were easy, no one would need to talk about it much. How can we feel empathy, and how can we act empathic, to the partners we resent?

Here are 7 top tips: