Relationships can be very fulfilling. They can show your real identity and turn you into a better form of yourself. It takes more than love to have a great relationship. In order to keep your relationship strong and healthy, you have to work on it. Experimental tests of both reward and punishment in romantic relationships have a fairly long history. In , research by Birchler, Weiss, and.
Take your partner's breath away. Do something amazingly thoughtful and out of the ordinary and try to incorporate an element of surprise to it: A special dinner on an otherwise ordinary night. A playlist made up with his favorite songs.
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These thoughtful acts will embed you in his memory. Do something special on a regular basis. Call him every day just to touch base for a few minutes. Make his favorite meal once a week. Once he begins to expect these things, you will always be close to his awareness. Engage in lots of eye gazing.
This is one way to keep the romance alive and is especially powerful when making love.
Learn what pleases your partner sexually. Make it clear that his pleasure is your pleasure, and you want to discover everything about what turns him on. Teach your partner what you like.
Likewise, making you happy will make him feel good. And research shows that the sexual pleasure of one partner increases the pleasure of the other partner.
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Boost lasting love with sexual novelty. While you don't have to break out the whips and chains, a little novelty can increase anticipation, which means that more hormones are secreted. Just maybe your perspective of the world is somewhat flawed and this is preventing you from moving forward in an optimal way.
These flaws in our thinking are known as cognitive distortions or thinking errors.
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We choose for instance to focus on the negative events rather than on the positive outcomes of a situation. Therefore the way we perceive and interpret reality is based on a flawed negative perspective that is preventing us from seeing things clearly.
In order to successfully work through this cognitive distortion, you must get into the habit of persistently looking for the good within every situation.
Yes, you can actually own me on your computer, tablet, phone, or as a poster for your wall. We for instance assume that something will happen in the future predictive thinkingor assume that we know what someone else is thinking mind reading. The problem is that these conclusions are rarely if ever based on facts or concrete evidence, but rather based on personal feelings and opinions.
As a result, they can often lead us astray.
In order to successfully work through this cognitive distortion you must begin questioning whether other explanations or possibilities exist. I will be there to remind you of the key steps needed to help you develop optimal habits. Taking responsibility for our life and circumstances, is of course quite admirable, but at the same time completely unhelpful if we end up feeling like a victim of circumstance.
In order to successfully work through this cognitive distortion, question what part you played in the outcome and how you might not be entirely to blame. My job is to keep you focused on key ideas that will help improve how you live your life. Things are either good or bad, right or wrong. In other words, we only see the extremes of the situation. We either see one extreme or another — there is no middle ground, nor shades of gray.
This is an unhelpful way of thinking about things because it means that we never truly see circumstances in an unbiased and neutral way. In order to successfully work through this cognitive distortion, you must get into the habit of challenging yourself to take into account other viewpoints and interpretations of the situation. I especially love it when you hold me in the palm of your hand on your mobile phone. I am so ready and optimized for mobile viewing.
In other words, we make things out to be a lot worse than they should be. Now of course, the reality of our predicament might actually be very different.
The problem we face may in fact be quite an insignificant minor mishap. However, because we indulge in the habit of catastrophizing, we always make problems larger than life, which of course makes them incredibly difficult to overcome. In order to successfully work through this cognitive distortion, question whether things are truly as bad as you make them out to be. That is when I know you will love me.
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In other words, you are essentially using a past event to predict the future. In order to successfully work through this cognitive distortion, question whether evidence exists that suggests things could be different. I am so ready to be your friend, your companion and your guide as we walk this journey together toward creating a better life.